Feeding the Soul; Nourishing the Spirit

I love crisp mornings. I love waking up in cozy sweat pants and getting to appreciate the early morning breeze. This morning, however, was a little different than most. The sky was dark and gloomy, and resembled that of an early autumn morning. The ones I've been missing lately. Dreadfully missing. I feel like I don't really have the room to be complaining about the heat we've been having, or more like the lack of it. We could be baking in the 100+ degree weather like our fellow Southern Californians...pity. Although I do hear that it has been a rather mild summer for them. Days only reaching up in the high 90's. AAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhhh..... if you ask me! Might I note, it is 3:45pm and only 74 degrees with a breeze???!!!?!? Go ahead...be jealous...be VERY jealous! 

....Like I was saying....

Once all the windows and blinds were opened up and the Delta breeze began to make its way through our little nest, I realized that today would be a day that I was in need of. So I declared it "Picnic Wednesday", those of you who are my friend on Facebook probably noticed the update on their feed, and set off to make the most of this gorgeous day. Just chubbs and me. 

  I packed our brunch, fresh fruit and Greek yogurt, some fun books to read on the grass, Lola's blanket and her gal-pal, before stopping by the coffee shop on our way out. There I picked up every mothers' best friend, an iced double soy latte, apple juice for Lola-this would be a first for her- and a "special occasion soda" for me. Today was definitely going to be our day! 

 We, then, made our way, up and over to my new favorite place to cheat on my diet, Sugarplum. This is the place I (want to) flock to when I'm in need of some "soul lovin". And was my soul in need of lovin'. The girl at the counter wrote this encouraging message on our bag!

How could I not smile? I was spending a day with Lo outdoors, with sweet treats, bubbly soda and avoiding my chores. And as I kept walking the some odd blocks to the park I realized, I was happy. I was really, really, REALLY happy. I felt like today would be the day that restored me. A much needed 'time-out' from reality, just to enjoy Lola and make it about our mother-daughter duet. The more I walked, the faster my stresses were grabbed by the breeze that quickly blew them away. And with that breeze-blessed mentality came peace. A peace that wanted to do anything and everything to make this day about my little Lola. I was put in a trance. One filled in an unfamiliar way, enveloped by my love for my daughter.

As I looked down at her, I noticed my little bean had fallen fast asleep. I guess it was necessary for her to take a pre-picnic siesta, it was, after all, our day! She was out. She slept through the half-dozen lawn mowers and leaf blowers, jack-hammers, and the (random) blue race car.

 

Lola quickly made a friend at the park. He was a sweet little boy. He played nicely with her, helping her up and down the step, and showing her how to go down the slide.

 We soon retreated to the cool shade and set up camp. An extra large pink beach towel, books, drinks, fruit salad, sweet treats and, of course, a spot for Lola's gal-pal. Spending the time perched Indian-styled, face to face around details of a memorable picnic. Lola's little digits plucking out the fruit that caught her eye, dipping it into cool, refreshing Greek yogurt, was an extra treat. God bless those little fingers!

I love watching those little chunks go from fruit to yogurt, yogurt to mouth, chomp-chomp-chomp, to yogurt then back to mouth, chomp, and repeat!

....and then we moved on to dessert....

I loved the way Lola's little whispies fluttered so delicately with the breeze. 

 So much joy comes from being a mother. Being Lola's mother! I always thought that having joy was just another way of saying you were happy, but I think it goes much deeper than that. Much deeper than being really, really, REALLY happy. Having joy is a true, pure, and spirit-lifting feeling. It's something that I have only felt when surrounded by my little family. I can't put into words, well enough, what my heart has been feeling. All I can say is I HAVE JOY! Being joyful is how I feel with Pieter and Lola- my adventurous and free-spirited little girl.

 The rest of the afternoon was spent reading, picking little flowers from the grass, and of course, trying to keep her from straying too far. It was a wonderful way to spend a day outdoors.

I declare every second Wednesday official "Picnic Wednesday"!

To You, My Little Lola

When I look at Lola, I see a wonderfully bright little girl. I see charm and curiosity. I see warmth and a sense of humor. I see determination and joy! Being around her has made me a better person. I see myself, now, in a raw and stripped down matter. I see myself for who I really am. I see, and acknowledge, my flaws. And it makes me want to be better. For her. I want to be the parent she can be proud of. I want to be the parent she can look up to. The parent she can confide in.

I see the unconditional love she has for me. And I'm hooked. She gives and gives and gives. And when she is on the couch, about to put her big browns to rest, she reaches for the hand that is rubbing her back and gives it little squeezes. The squeezes mimic a Mores Code message, encrypted with the words I Love You, Mama. And even when we've  had the worst day, the kind where we're both in need of time-outs, at the end of the day she still gives an endless amount of heart-warming snuggles and smooches. The only thing she knows is love!

I feel that if I only learn one thing from being a mother, I hope that it is to love, unconditionally and whole-heatedly, just like she does. I hope that that kind of love would flow from my heart, through my veins, out to those around me.

So to the daughter that is changing and molding me into a better woman, mother, and human being, 

Thank You. 

Thank you for being the little wonder you are.

With Love, 

Your Mama

How Thoughtful

When a long and tiring day hits 8:30pm and my little chicken is all tucked away in her crib, I sit back on the couch and inhale. I take in the day, whether good or bad, thinking about what I have done, what I avoided doing, and what I can do tomorrow. I quickly fold the negative thoughts up and put them in my mental box marked "Do Not Open". It is always on long, exhausting days that I come across little reminders of the girl who loves me so much.

Yesterday after settling Lola in her crib for the night I decided to retreat to the couch and Pieter was going to work on some writing. He avoided the usual spot and relocated to the kitchen table. It was then that I notice one of Lola's little friends.

Her strategically placed forget-me-nots, whether being Velcro finger puppets or small animal crackers, make even the hardest of days seem easy. I love my little Lolita.

Body Art

Every once and a while, Lola and get restless with the heat and the humidity. On exceptionally hot days, like the ones we had a couple weeks ago, the only thing I can do to get some of my little chickens energy out is to strip her down to her dipe and let her get crazy with some paint. I've only managed to do it once before with her, while she was fully clothed, and I learned my lesson. Even though the paint is washable, it's one more thing that I would have to wash. So there we sat in the air-conditioned living room, on my old full-sized fitted sheet, with two big pieces of paper, six different paint colors, and a couple of brushes. Did she use the brush? Barely. This is an activity that keeps Lola busy for about an hour, depending on how much paint is staying on the paper and mysteriously getting on her body and staying off the carpet.

Though it had its stressful moments, it ended up being a great afternoon activity.

                                                                                                  

Canciones De Mi Padre

Feeling unfamiliar with the newest addition of me has been an ongoing and very familiar feeling. I feel as though I've been searching for something to ignite my soul and direct me back to the things that define me. I have been thirsting for a moment that gets me lost in a whirlwind of emotions. Something that takes me back to a time, a place - my happy place - not knowing then, and clearly seeing now, that it is embedded in me. Acknowledging now that those very moments are in my soul and held deep in my heart for safe keeping, and seeing now that I have them in me. I can go back to them when I feel lost, when I feel low, or when I feel really unsure of myself as an individual, a woman, or a mother.

I had a moment, yesterday, while out running errands, when I overheard a song that took my breath away. I didn't understand, at first, how I could possibly know this song, seeing as it was in Spanish, but then I realized that it was the keeper of some very special memories. So sure enough today, while being sidetracked by everything, I ended up on Amazon and found this...

I went through the entire CD, listening to every sample they had, and sure enough they were the long-lost songs from my summers with my Grandma in Mexico. I continued to go through every song, every word rolling off the tongue and remembered as if I never stopped listening to it. I felt as if her voice was igniting something in me. I remember why I loved listening to her as a child. Her voice was just as powerful to me then as it was today, if not more. There is something about a woman's voice when the words are sung in Spanish. It's like she belts notes of pain and suffering and passion and joy so effortlessly, like the song she sings are more than words, they are part of who she is. It's beautiful.

Listening to those little bits of song brought back so many wonderful memories of pistachio colored houses and salmon colored walls. It brought back memories of my Great-Grandmother Carmen's house with secret doors and the scent of hot chocolate. I remember the smell of the early morning streets and drinking milk out of glass jars. I remember delivering homemade tortillas door to door with a little girl who's family owned the corner tortilleria. I remember buying pan dulce and bottled Coke with pesos my uncles had given me. I remember speaking fluently and being able to carry on conversations. I remember long bus rides and cheap plastic toys that I played with for hours. I remember indulging in cajeta and dulce de guava, spending days in my bathing suit. I loved wearing my Grandmothers long, flowing skirts and twirling round and round as if I were a Mexican folk dancer. I admired how elegantly feminine and timeless they looked with their long, brightly colored skirts and how they mimicked ocean waves when they spun. I loved their long, ribboned and braided hair that had that Frida Kahlo feel. I couldn't wait to be old enough to wear that crimson red lipstick longer than the usual "dress up" hours. It, unknowingly, became part of me. I feel like that strong, romantic, and loyal woman lives inside of me.

 I called my Grandma Luz today and we recollected on our wonderful summers in Mexico. I mentioned the songs of our past times. I really enjoy speaking with her about the "good 'ol days". I feel like it takes us both to a place of joy. I was only a little girl then, no more than four years old, but I still value the closeness we have. I am so thankful for the time that I was able to spend with her then, and the conversations we have about it now. I have my Grandma Luz to thank for my love of all things Mexican. I love the folk art, the dancers, the mariachis, the food (and those of you who know me know I'm very picky about Mexican food), the dresses, the bright vibrant colors, and the way I'm feeling now! I realize now that when I'm feeling lost and unsure,I can go back to my place. I haven't felt this kind of peace for a long time, and it feels wonderful to remember who I am and where I come from.

éstos son las canciones de mi niñez.

Chalk It Up, Little One, Chalk It Up!!!!

I can, excitedly, cross yet another item off my Summer Todo List.

I've tried introducing chalk to Lola once before, about a month ago. She didn't do as well as I had hoped she would- it ended up in her mouth. Just last week we took an unexpected trip to the park in the middle of the afternoon. I was tired and Lola was not. It was a bad cocktail of a day, so my plan was to take her out earlier than usual to tire her out sooner than later. In the heat of the afternoon we were greeted by the cutest group of scene kids and there little summer babes, all huddled underneath the shade tree. But of course, Lola would pay no attention to them. She had the energy of a puppy, happy to see her master after a long day of being alone. I hung around in the shade until she made her way over to the swings, looking back at me with hands outstretched as if she were asking me a question. Her face had the, "well aren't you gonna push me, mom?", look written all over it. Unfortunately, my super-secret-excuse-for-park-time wasn't turning out as peaceful as I had hope it would. After she baked in the swing for a couple of minutes, I got her out and she walked around, her hands full of wood-chips, her mouth belting out the usual squeaky, guinea pig-like noises for everyone to hear. She finally retreated to the shade at the far end of the playground near a group of mothers and daughters doodling with sidewalk chalk. My first reaction was to try to avoid them at all cost. I knew that there was a really good chance that Lola would all of a sudden develop an appetite for something chalky and dry. To my surprise she played nice and doodled even nicer.

Though I had certain intentions for talking Lola to the park, I feel like I was the one who really benefited from it. It was wonderful to get out of the house and be distracted from my daily motherly chores. It was great being surrounded by new moms and their beautiful little ones. It was very calming for me to be outdoors, in the shade, enjoying the summer breeze. It was an opportunity for me to fall in love with my little chicken all over again. 

We eventually went home- me, with peace of mind and a calm spirit and Lola, tuckered out and all covered in chalk!

The Age of Exploration

To Leash, Or Not To Leash?
That is the (very debatable) question.

After getting off work, we gathered in the Volks and headed out to run some errands. We would eventually end up at Sports Authority for Pieter to check out some new running shoes. Yes, that's right, I said running shoes! Now normally we would put Lola in a cart and wheel her around the store, but something possessed me, and convinced me otherwise. I decided I would let her show me the way around the store, and show me the way she did. She walked and walked around the store like she owned the place. I then realized that we had reached that dreaded fork in the road when a parent must decide whether or not they would jump on board and get their (very much independent) babe a harness. I must admit that I was 100% against them during my pregnancy. I considered them unfair and degrading to the child. I hated the idea of it, having your child at the end of a line. I felt like I wouldn't need to resort to that kind of restraint because I would, in fact, be an exceptional parent. It isn't the fact that I am lacking in the parental supervision department, but I feel, at times, that Lola is a little too curious and strong-willed all at the wrong times! I don't want to restrict her from exploring her surroundings by keeping her locked up in her stroller, and these days, it is pretty normal for her to fuss and try to break out when she wants to be on her own two feet. So I was wondering, do you think all the negative thoughts about using a harness or leashing your child is because most out there do, in fact, look like something you would put on your beloved pet? And if that were the case, would you be more inclined, and confident, to use one if it had an entirely different look to it? After really thinking about it and talking with friends and family members, and Pieter of course, I think I've made my decision and may try this one out. Pieter isn't 100% on board with it, but I'm hoping I can change his mind.

I feel that I should make perfectly clear that I don't, in any way, want to take from Lola's independence or restrict her from exploring her world. I think it's important for her to be able to be part of the outside world. I want her to be able to take in everything she can from plucking every blade of grass or picking up every rock or flower she finds along our walks. That kind of stuff really matters to me. But I also want her to be safe, and I want to be completely confident that in this new stage of wonder and exploration, Lola can do that, and I can worry a little less.

Summer Watermelon Is Oh...So...Good!

We are fortunate enough to have a little one with a highly developed palate...or something like that. When I was pregnant, I tried to eat anything and everything I could in hopes that Lola would get an aquired taste for things most kids can't stand. I'm happy to report that I think it really worked. Among the normal things kids enjoy are the not so normal things that she loves. Her new interests are cabbage and cauliflower. WONDERFUL, I KNOW!!!!

This entry is not, at all, about the new (and rather gaseous) veggies that she is enjoying. It is simply about watermelon and enjoying it in the messiest and silliest fashion around! I origionally wanted to write about the enjoyment I had feeding her piece after piece, but I think it would be better to just put the pictures out there and let you see the joy that I was able to see! ENJOY!!!

Dandions and First Love

 I know this may sound a little bias, but I'm pretty sure I have the greatest daughter in the world! She is wonderful! I can't seem to get enough of my little chicken. She is at such an amazing, and exhausting, age right now. She literally wears herself out by the end of the day...and I don't mind that one bit! Ive been in the habit of taking her to the park in the evening, after the sun has exhausted itself from blasting the playground with its heat. I love when the sun retreats, allowing the cool shade and breeze to be great contenders. I take Lola about an hour before Pieter arrives home, then he meets us, and tries to sneak up on Lola so she can be really excited to see him.

Yesterday was no different except that there were three other children around Lola's age. We have kind of lost our "connections" with all the other toddler babes since we switched our park time visits, so this was a wonderful treat for Lola. There was one boy in particular, Justin, who was drawn to Lola. He wasn't quite walking yet so Lola wasn't too interested in him- naturally, "Who wants a guy who can't even walk?!?!", was probably what she thought to herself. So, being the incredible,-wobbly-wandering and independent type, she kept to herself the majority of the time and made the occasional "drop-ins" to show her affection, literally, and play hard-to-get. I've never seen Lola so affectionate towards another little one. She shared her wood chips with Justin and even gave him the sweetest, most innocent hugs a mom could dream of seeing. She is so caring towards other little ones; it's like she really cares for them!

A couple months ago I tried to show her how to blow on a dandilion. Of course, she seemed highly uninterrested and wanted nothing more than to eat the dang thing. SHOCKER, my child sticks everthing in her mouth. Yesterday she caught me by surprise when she plucked a fully loaded dandilion from the playground grass and tried blowing on it. Sure enough she ended up inhaling hard enough or secretly managed to get her lips around it because there were dandelion bits all in her mouth.

What A Joy!!!

I spoke with one of my friends from high school yesterday. She is now able to do what every fully pregnant woman can't wait to do...count the days on her fingers! It is always wonderful news when a friend tells you she is expecting, but it is even greater knowing that the arrival of the highly anticipated bundle of love is right around the corner! Speaking with her about the last couple weeks and the weeks to come brought back memories of my numbered days of being "side-kickless". My life, then, was good but only a fraction of how great it is now. I am thrilled that her life will be blessed and enriched in so many new ways. I am excited that her journey as a woman will continue and she will grow from the experience to come. I cant wait to hear about how much joy little C brings to their lives. To you, Brittany and David, early congratulations! I am so excited for you!

The Luckiest Girls In Town

I always wondered what it would be like to celebrate Father's Day with the man I was going to spend my life with and our sweet little child[ren]. I often wondered if it would be the relaxing day where I would wait on him hand and foot, preparing his favorite meals, watching movies, and snuggling. Our day was that and more! The weather was absolutely wonderful. It was breezy and warm, and the sunshine felt so good on our skin. We spent the day relaxing and enjoying each other. I am continually recognizing how fortunate I am. I am blessed to be with a man who sees me for who I am, all flaws aside, who has an unconditional love for his girls. He is the most caring and fun person I have ever known. I wish that I could put into words how truly wonderful Pieter has been to me and how amazing he is with Lola. I never imagined loving him more than I did...until Lola came along. She brings out a side in him that I have never seen before. She has brought back that passionate little twinkle that drew me to him years ago! I appreciate him more and more everyday, and only wish that I were able to express it to him in more ways than just my attempted words. Happy Father's Day, Babe! I love you!

Summer Todo List

I've been inspired lately by this blog, and by that I mean, it's my favorite blog do date. Pieter introduced me to it a couple months ago and I, since then, have been hooked! I love this little family of four and only wish that my post could be as captivating as hers!

So, getting inspiration from one of her previous posts, I decided that now is the time to make my first summer todo list.

I want to read more books...and by that I mean, actually finish a book.
I want to blow more bubbles with Lola.
I want to pull out my big bucket of sidewalk chalk and spend all afternoon outside drawling pictures with Lola.
I want to spend (at least) a day in San Fran!
I want to go swimming.
I want to fly kites.
I want to bake something sugary-sweet and delicious once a week.
...as a result...
I hope I'll want to WANT to go running.
I want to continue doing my art.
I want to register for one class.

I want this summer to be something special for our little family.

Day 392: A New Tooth and A New Stage

We have been working hard to get Lola to sleep through the night. Those of you close to us know that this has been nothing more than a constant struggle for the three of us, partly because Lola hadn't really been put on a bedtime schedule and some of us, I will name no names but you know who you are, are still enjoying the co-sleeping phase that we should have been past a long time ago! Sure enough we managed to step foot into the realm of sweet dreams and groggy-free mornings! YAY FOR US!!!!  It pleases me to report that Lola now, for the most part, sleeps through the night and mommy and daddy are especially happy!

We had one night in the last week that was completely horrible. Sure enough I noticed that she now has a new top tooth to add to her collection! YEAH LOLA!!! Unfortunately, they aren't her two front teeth. They are the ones that are sandwiched between the front teeth and the canines. I imagine she will resemble a little vampire for the next couple months, and if her teeth take as long as they have been, I have a pretty good idea of what she will be for Halloween this year. I'm not at all sad about her lack of teeth. She is already a year and only has four pearly whites. I've been really lucky because I think she may have only attempted to bite a couple times. I have a sense of when she will "attack" because she gets really still, her mouth open, and her big brown eyes spanning from side to side like she's either debating with herself whether or not to do it or when would be the perfect time to chomp down.

The newest addition to Lola's personality has been her enthusiasm towards independence. I'm going to be honest, I miss taking Lola for walks in the stroller without her having a melt down and wanting to walk, by herslelf. I'm not kidding about the walking by herslef part either! It is close to impossible to distract her long enough to grab ahold of her hand. I guess this is just another phase. She also HATES having her diaper changed. Every diaper change seems to turn into a battle of the strong-willed, her buns clenched so tight and her body completely arched like she's been practicing her yoga backbends. She is one tough cookie, but I always win! I have a feeling it's going to be a long road and many years of steering my wild child in the right direction, both figuratively and literally, but it will really be a fun journey. She has also really been into singing and dancing. She babbles along to songs and shakes her little hips and gives the occasional foot stomp. What a cutie! I've got her used to brushing her teeth in the morning with me. It's pretty cute seeing her ready for the day with her little toothbrush in her mouth.

Being Lola's mom has taught me a lot about myself. I never thought I could love someone to the point of tears. She is such a sweet little bird. I love the funny sounds she mumbles in her sleep, her crazy little pointer finger, the insanely styled bedhead she wakes up with, even the consistent string of drool that's been hanging from her mouth. She has taught me to be patient, or better yet is teaching me to be more patient, and has taught me to laugh at the gobs of food highlights in her hair. I'm convinced that it's the hardest job on the planet, and it's a 24 hour job for the rest of my life. Like the deep and honest relationship I have with my mom that continues to evolve, I know and look forward to having the same with my daughter! But for now, I'll enjoy the present!