Thursday, July 06, 2006


there is this feeling i have in my stomach. it extends from the bottom of my torso to my upper throat. whether it is nausea or hunger pains or the deire to vomit, i am unsure of. all i can distinguish is that there is emotion tied into it. tears and confusion are mine, but more than that there is the slight want to let it all go. to give up. to allow one to be free.

how will this change me?
will i survive?
will there be a future?

the thought of abandoning the familiar for the unfamiliar is unwanted, however, wanted at the same time. is it right or true to love something so much you give it up? not for my own sake, but for the well being of the one i love? these convoluted questions and more race through my head at all hours of the day. but it was only days ago that these questions we not present. the thought of questioning was nowhere to be found. why have they changed, and how have they changed?

my stomach, it is twisting and turning. it is not at ease. my heart is pacing, anxious to know the outcome, afraid of the outcome, devistated to lose. almost too devistated to try.

what is the bigger picture?