He Makes Me Smile

There are days, long days, days where we are held hostage by the weather in our little shoebox of an apartment, when I can't wait for Pieter to get home. Those are the days where I feel most tired, cranky, and in need of a couple of Lola-less minutes. I think this is pretty normal. On these days, Pieter will take Lola off my hands, and litterlally off my body since she seems to be most clingy on days we are unable to go outside. I usually resort to making dinner which, to me, is just as theraputic as going to yoga. I've been sneaking little peaks at Pieter and Lola interracting with eachother. It truly melts my heart each time i glance at them playing around, growling, or laughing.

This is what I live for.

I love the little "Pieter twinkle" Lola inherited from her papa. It is really noticebale when he walks through the door. Her whole face lights up and is usually accompanied by a high pitched squeal. If that doesnt feel good, I dont know what does. Seriously, coming home to your daughter after a long monotonous day at the office...

It's amazing how much my love for Pieter, for Lola, and love in general has changed over the past year. I always knew that I was capable of loving Pieter more that I had experienced, but there is something absolutely beautiful that happens when you create this little being with the man you love. It's  indescribable. It's as if.....well I'm not even going to try to explain it because I can't. I will say this though, I do have a new found respect for Pieter. He goes to work, everyday, and does his best to provide for us the things we need, and sometimes don't really need, which is nice. He comes home, after what probably seemed like the longest day of his life, and is willing to help me with Lola. He loves Lola so much...which is absolutely obvious by the way he scoops her up and breathes her in. It's magical.

Spring Afternoons, Fingers, and Toes

Spring has sprung....Beautiful and fragrant...and causing my allergies to go haywire! Nevertheless, more enjoyable than I remember last Spring being. That could have something to do with the fact that I was 30 lbs heavier about this time last year. The streets of Midtown are lined with the most beautiful, green, canopy providing trees, which have kept things pretty cool. We have been both unfortunate and fortunate to have had lots of rain lately, which is horrible because it keeps little Lola indoors for most of the days, but, in return, makes Mama less allergic to life! A happy, and less sneezy and congested, Mama is a happy Mama!!!! As much as I dread days revolving around housework and the newest Netflix addition, it makes me really, really, REALLY anticipate how gorgeous the upcoming days will be! All the blossoms looking more blossomy than before, with the trees and buildings all covered in moss, and my favorite, the sky- bluer than the days prior with the accompaniment of the  fluffiest, whitest, welcoming clouds!

 
I'm also getting really excited for the Farmer's Markets to get started! I'm looking forward to getting off work on Tuesdays, getting Lola all lathered up in sunscreen, geared up with her stroller, and my "green bags" handy, and picking up some perfectly ripe fruits and veggies!

Along with seasons changing, my little Lola is also changing. I can't believe the level of facination she has for things outdoors! She is overwhelmed with joy when it comes to the littlest things; flowers, leaves, sticks, rocks, acorns, trash...(we try to keep that away from her). She is so tactile, which I'm assuming is incredibly normal for her age. At first I was really apprehensive about letting her touch things on the floor, but now I feel like it's going to really allow her to get a grasp, no pun intended, on her surrounding world. I let her get down and dirty, to an extent, and I've noticed such a difference in her. It's like she is really able to take it in, really understand what it is, kinda... She reminds me of a sponge or of a character in some movie that probably exists where the person touches something and all of a sudden understands....probably a little on the Green Mile,  X-Men, or Matrix side, but you get the picture.

Yesterday, like normal, we went to the park and Lola's little fingers and toes couldn't be cuter! She had her jellies on, which are so adoreable I can barely stand it, and she kept finger poking EVERYTHING! She does this funny little thing with her pointer finger...she always reaches out with her finger to feel, but in reality all she's really doing is poking at whatever it is that she is curious about. She kinda reminds me of E.T.. It's cute though. Here are some great finger and toe shots!

Also, here are some other favorites....

                                                                                              ..................until next time............................

Swing, Swing, Swing

I feel like I have so much to write about. Where to start!?!?!?

I don know if I mentioned earlier, but LOLA IS WALKING NOW!!! Crazy huh?!?! She is so amazing. Talk about a girl full of personality and expressions! I am privileged enough to get to spend just about every day with her, and although our days consist mainly of going to the park and the grocery store, it never gets old. I love her fascination with the swings! I'm not kidding; she can swing, and swing, only until another little one comes along, then she will swing, and swing, and yell, and yell...to try to get their attention. It's pretty comical.

Pieter says...

I should specify what I meant about yesterdays post...

I would "invest" time on you, Sherry, and you, Kim, but you guys live so damn far away! I wish you guys lived closer so we could have play dates all the time! Maybe we'll just move to Livermore....it seems to be the happening place! See you guys soon!

Park Days

Normally, weather permitting, I take Lola to the park about 4 days out of the week. I do this for 1(secretly 2) reasons. I feel guilty when we are cooped up in the house all day. I feel like Lola is at an age where she is curious and loves to be part of the outside world. I'm not kidding! You should see how excited she gets when she sees a small dog, a cat, a squirrel, a fountain, the light rail, or a friendly stranger. It is absolutely amazing! The second reason is because I'm beginning to feel in need of growth. Like I've mentioned in my previous posts, I'm in search of the newest version of me. I really am hoping that one of these days I'll come upon an amazing woman hanging out with her little ones at the park.

Today was no different from our Monday, Wednesday, Friday bagel and tea time at Starbucks. So we scooted on over to the park which is conveniently right around the corner. Lola swung for about 10 minutes before she began to lose interest. A mom and son came up right after I had given up hope and was ready to put her back into the stroller to get on with our day. Lola turned into a completely different baby. I have never seen her so excited and alive. It was like she found something that she misplaced. As I was holding her hands, she turned me around, and headed straight for the swings where the little boy was. So they swayed back and forth for a while....

It was so darling to see that side of Lola, but so sad at the same time. I realized that at that moment, I was the one holding Lola back. I always tell Pieter that the reason that I don't really have close friends is because I haven't found anyone that I really want to "invest" in. How selfish of me!!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like I'm the reason that Lola doesn't have "little" ones to hang out with. I need to get out there more! That is my new goal!

Rather than napping...

I'm making a salad. Unfortunately, if I didn't deprive myself from sleep to prepare healthy options, I'd binge on leftover pizza...which i did only two hours ago. i know though that i will feel much better knowing that my organic produce, washed and sliced, will make the most satisfying salad when I ravage through the fridge for a quick fix....

Eating healthy is so easy when you have a couple days under your belt, but it is so difficult sometimes to build up that momentum...

Welp...time form preparation.............

Humbled

I'm just about finished with my first week at Zuda Yoga. I have to say that it has been an eye opening experiece for me. I knew that I needed to give back to myself in some way because I have been feeling a little lost and a little thin...not in the body type although one day that again will be nice, but more in the worn out way. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I am not in any means complaining, I just feel like if I'm going to be the best mom possible, I need to be the most open, willing, and free woman possible.

I must be honest, I have been feeling like I don't know who I have become and like the me from the past is almost unrecognizable. I feel like I have lost my independence and lost my drive. So to yoga I went. It has been the most incredible hour and thirty minutes 3x a week. Each class begins in an 87 degree room and roughly 30-40 sweaty bodies....you can imagine the moisture in the air. Before you know it you are litterally dripping and in the worst-best pain. 

It is such a great experience because it is about me. For the 1hour and change class, there is No Lola, No Pieter, No housework, No TV....nothing to distract me from my postures and my Ujjayi, or breath. I feel like with each class I go to I begin to learn more and more about myself. I begin to push my boundaries, break down my walls, and open my heart up to new possibilities. It has been really liberating. I told Pieter just today that I felt very humbled when class was over, kinda like I walked in with expectations of how well I would do today. Our instructor kicked our butts, but not in the way that would make me want to never return. I'm anxious about going again and gaining my strength.

At the beginin of class our instructor also told us, as we were all in childs pose, to think about all of our loved ones around us and to dedicate that workout to them. I didnt really think too much of it then, but as i write this I think back on how I already feel like I have changed. I know that continuing my journey at Zuda will help me discover the woman I am to become. It's a celebration of self- and thats okay!

My Little Lola Pie is Not so Little Anymore

Where did this past year go? I have been making an honest attempt at organizing our pictures of Lola over the past couple days. I can't believe how much she has grown over the past 10 1/2 months! It amazes me that she went from being completely helpless to totally helping herself to whatever she can get her hands on! As we approach the 11 month mark, I cant help but look back and try to remember what she was like. Sometimes I wish so badly that she were just a little bundle again. I miss wrapping her up and carrying her in my Moby Wrap. I miss seeing her cute shmooshy lips on her frequently napping face. I miss laying on the floor with her and not having to worry about her getting into things! Then again, everyday brings new joys, and laughter , and new lessons of patience. Which is a good thing for me! Lola has taught me that I don't need to constantly try to be the "put together" mom. She teaches me to be silly and not take things so seriously. I love her. I love her so much, in fact, that I am really tempted to wake her up so she can hang out with me...but I won't! I can't believe how much of a little girl she is now. Her features have changed so much that when I look back on her pictures from only a couple months ago I sometimes feel like I am reminiscent of another child. And I think that it will continue to feel like that as she continues to grow.

Chicken Soup on a Rainy Day

Lately, I've been really into cooking soups, chili, etc. in bulk and freezing it for a rainy day. Today couldn't have been a more perfect day! So sure enough, right after returning from my doctor's appointment, I rummaged through the freezer, and pulled out my last batch of chicken, vegetable, barley soup! Within minutes the apartment smelt like warmth! There really is nothing better than a house, or in our case a hovel of an apartment, that smells like hard work simmering all day over a hot stove! Or in this case, reheating in minutes! As I hip-held Lola into the kitchen to check on the progress, Lola couldn't help but be as excited as I was! Bless her heart! I am really fortunate to have a picky free child! She eats everything! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING....if we let her! So I grabbed our mini chopper, threw in some of the soup minus the broth and roughly chopped it. VWUALA!!!! Baby food! Lola gulped it up faster than I thought she would! Sure enough, I was allowed to sit down and enjoy my bowl(s). It's amazing what a couple of simple, organic vegetables, a whole chicken, and a rainy day can do to change your outlook on a long week! Then next time I have a long week, I know where to. Have a great Easter everyone!

The power of the mind

i thought this was pretty fascinating. http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/deepak-chopra-meditation. i hope you are intrigued.

im bad

I've been so bad about blogging lately and now that my dear friend Mandy has bookmarked me, I need to keep posting so i can avoid any harrassing text messages! Mandy LOVES Lola, so I expect that she will be keeping up on any posts in the near future!

We finally got back some pictures that our friend Dan took for us during the Fall. They came out sooooo good and I cant wait to share them with you all! I must let you know though that Lola is no longer the cute little munchkin you see in the pictures...she is way cuter now! I hope you all enjoy them! Thanks again Dan!

Lola always seems to make my day!

I cant say that I've had a bad day, but its not good either...while i was on the phone with the doctor i noticed that the background baby Einstein DVD changed to Lady Gaga. when i turned around to see what Lola was up to i noticed that she managed to turn on the stereo and was holding onto the entertainment center, shaking her booty. it made my day. i don't care how awful today gets...my little Lola's got moves!

Stand Tall!!!

Yesterday when i was playing with Lola I decided to let go of her to see how well her balance was. Sure enough she stayed standing ALL BY HERSELF!!!! I can't believe how fast she has grown! It seems like just yesterday she was only a ball of love, granted she is still my ball of love, just a big, plumper version! She has so much personality and her eyes are full of life! I really feel like she has the ability to melt people's hearts. I must say that I love when I hear other people mention that she is so cute. Does it make me self absorbed or "Lola absorbed"??? Either way, she is great and almost a walker....watch out little boys...Lola is a looker!!!

Take a deep breath...everything is going to be fine!

Lately I have been feeling the need to be responsible. I don't know what it is about being a mother- maybe it's the guilty feeling of making selfish decisions. I came the the realization just the other day that "my life" is no longer "my life". My life is now Lola. Every decision I make in some way will effect her. I had been throwing the option of being a vegetarian around for a while and you know what, I'm so glad that i made that decision because i feel so much better. i have been doing yoga while Lola naps and it's great meditation time. It's great "me" time. I think Lola deserves to have a healthy, sane, well educated mom who is proud to be who she is. I can honestly say that lately I haven't been feeling so proud. I've been feeling like a twenty-something-degree less mom, but I am more than that! I need to embrace my flaws and enhance the qualities that make me who I am. Today, as Lola was napping i decided to lie down myself. I was having a hard time sleeping because once again I started thinking about what kind of mom example I want to be for my daughter. I have been thinking a lot about savings and Lola's future- any responsible moms thoughts, right?- when i just became overwhelmed with the thought of my past due student loan payments. I began to think about myself, when applying for colleges. i began to think about how hard it was to even go one year to a  private school for the mere fact that I needed a co-signer and my parents didn't want to do it. I began to think about Lola and her future and how i want her to get an education and follow her dreams and prosper. So I ignored my well deserved nap time and called my student loan company. As i began to dial the number my heart started beating in my head. You all know the sound I am talking about, you know, the one that makes your head hot and fuzzy feeling all at the same time. I sat there, in front of the computer and said out loud, "Take a deep breath, everything is going to be fine". Sure enough, it was. I know have the satisfaction of knowing that money may be a little tight, but I'm doing it for Lola. She deserves the world, and I'll do anything to help her achieve that.

it's official!!!!

Now that today is almost over, it will mark the completion of my first official day as a vegetarian. I have been wanting to go back "to the dark side" as Pieter might put it, for a while now but have been struggling to get a good start on it. So i decided that instead of declaring that i am now a vegetarian I will simply just take it one day at a time. My approach will be simple and similar to quitting smoking-although the last time i quit smoking was when i found out i was pregnant and I'm happy to say that i haven't smoked since- so maybe it's not really like quitting smoking, but you know what I mean!!! I tried to make yesterday my first official day, but quickly caved when I got to my works dinner party....I'm a sucker for Mexican food! I have also made Lola's second nap my yoga relaxation time! I successfully did it today without feeling like throwing up and feel more flexible already! I'll keep y'all posted on how it goes!

You Cant Always Get What You Want...

So now that Lola has been crawling around she has an intense interest on whats going on in "her world". She is such a curious little girl, as most children are at this age, and would much rather be aware of whats going on around her instead of eating....most of the time! even though it is such a pain to constantly be on top of her and know where she is and what she is getting into, i find it really cute! most of the time when i tell her "NO!", she'll look over at me and give a big toofless smile! today was a little different though. we had a rough night. Lola woke up so many times last night so we were both so tired. when i was holding her on the couch she kept trying to reach for things and was really getting upset that she couldn't get her hands on anything. i turned to her and said, "you cant always get what you want Lola!" i started singing that famous Rolling Stones song, and before i knew it she was fast asleep. she napped for two hours and i continued my sprint through LOST season 2! bless her heart!

A Re-post...

i hope you don't mind Mariel...but it was too good to pass up!

Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.”
- Henry Frederic Amiel

today...

we are taking our first set of family pictures. although i feel like they will be really cheesy, i am quite excited about it! more to come...

Marry Me, Pieter!!!!

I've been thinking alot about weddings lately, my wedding to be exact. i go through spurts of really wanting to get married and really not being very anxious about it...today happens to be an anxious one! i have this idea of what kind of wedding i want in the back of my head. today i was looking through a photographers portfolio for no reason at all when i came across pictures from a wedding done similar to the way (http://daisyvarleyphotography.blogspot.com/2009/09/kristen-matt-wedding.html) i would like ours to be! so now im gung ho about getting married....GO FIGURE!!! oh well...maybe one day!

Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets

we have been having kind of a hard time keeping Lola in her crib at night. i think my daughter has grown accustomed to being in our bed which really bugs me at times and doesn't so much at others. but it did really get to me one night... it must have been one of those nights where i had to make sure she was really asleep before i put her down in her crib. i was EXHAUSTED. she and i had just gotten over colds and i was trying to catch up on sleep...then all of a sudden i heard her stirring in her crib. then she started whimpering. her whimpers turned into a soft cry (and at this time im praying that she would just fall back asleep), followed by her really upset cry. so we debate amongst ourselves and decide to put her in bed with us just to get through the night. Pieter gets out of bed to pick her up and once she is in his arms he snuggles her so tight. then he places her in between us. once she is on our mattress she looks at both Pieter and me smiling....hhhmmmm.....