As I sit here, flustered at the fact that I could barely get Lola to eat anything today, I feel defeat resting on my shoulders. I feel as though our whole day was spent butting heads. Spent trying to reassure myself that nothing was wrong. Spent trying to juggle my Monday task of cleaning the house and keeping my little one happy. Spent hearing the meltdowns, seeing her big browns fill with tears, her face redden the way it does when she is upset or isn't getting her way. Too many times today I felt like collapsing my face into my hands and just letting frustration and bewilderment take over. I'm wiped out. I'm tired. I'm edgy.
The eating issue continued long into the evening. She rejected most of her dinner, only subjecting herself to the sauteed mushrooms and few pieces of cauliflower on her orange leopard dinner plate. She eventually seemed excited about the halved avocado and peach, shoveling them into her mouth as though she had been without for three days. Oh well.
I picked her up, wiping her face and hands of the avocadoy goodness.
I attempted to change her into her pajamas, but she wasn't having it. A distraction was needed. Ah-ha! Flashlight. After she was jammied, I turned off the lights and we sat on the couch, illuminating the living room.
This shed some light on our situation. :)
Lola is coming into her own. She is only nine weeks away from turning two. Yes, it's true. The infamous terrible twos are knocking at our door and they are knocking hard. I've discovered that Lola is a feisty, fiery, strong-willed, little thing. She has opinions and preferences and we are starting to hear them. Though she cannot always formulate the words to express herself, she is still entitled to be heard. I want her to feel free to express those notions. I want her to stand strong and know that she should always be true to herself because she was raised in such a way that everyone's opinion matters. A way that, even in disagreements, those points are expressed and heard with love.
So what do I do now? I embrace these next couple months or years or how ever long we'll be on this train headed straight for the terrible twos. We have a one way ticket, baby! This is our daughter's life. It's our life. These are defining years for her. These years will mold and shape her, bringing her closer to her predestined role of best human ever!
I can't allow myself to feel defeated. We will have bad days. I just need to keep pressing on and keep loving.