The Horse

 We all know the saying, Get back on the horse that bucked you, and most of us, if not all of us, have fallen off one or more horses in our time. I can vouch for a couple horses of my own. The vegetarian horse, which I successfully stayed on for three years, ending half way through my pregnancy when I began craving steak sauce. The no sugar horse, which usually lasts anywhere between 1-3 days. Grandma Jane says that stuff is addicting. I totally believe her. There's the no smoking horse which I easily gave up the moment I found out I was pregnant with Lola. And finally, the I'm going to start running horse. I have been back on this variety of horse for two weeks now, ending last week in a six day stretch of continuous runs. I've never felt better. I'm hoping to stay mounted to the horse that once bucked me and hope to ride it all the way into the sunset.

For me, the past two weeks of runs have been a chance to clear my head. It has become a chance for me to think about my life and the people in it. It has given me an uplifting perspective as a whole, helping me to push through moments of pain, periods of breathlessness, and the times my mind tries hard to convince my body to turn around and head home.

Lola has been the best little pal through this new agenda.Getting motivated after a long day of mothering can be really difficult at times. Luckily for me, Little Chicken is an outdoors kinda girl. So escaping for some fresh air is the perfect opportunity to raise the good ol' heart rate and burn a couple extra calories along the way. We play I Spy throughout the run, keeping her busy and on the look out for the next bus, balloon, orange tree, or specific colored car. After a few days of making this early evening jog part of our routine, I'm amazed at how easily my breath and stride have come back.

We end our run at the park where Lola is able to let off some built up frustration from sitting strapped into the jogger while pushed by a winded mama. Like most park visits, she jets towards the swings and waits with a sweet smile accompanied by the big browns that plead, will you please push me, mama?

Once she's in, she waits to be blasted off, anticipating the weightlessness from the initial drop, her little eyes clenched tightly as the passing cold air brushes along her face. She shouts, "More! More!", pushing her higher and higher, her feet kicking up to touch the closest of clouds.

As soon as the slightest indications of motion sickness kick in, I pluck Little Chicken out. She runs around scanning for the perfect spot to play with these little guys. They graze on wood chips, every Target dollar section toy horse's favorite treat.

Well hello there, little fellow.

Lola let's me know she's ready to go as she waits patiently by the fence. I settle her into the stroller once again. We head towards our favorite spot for frozen yogurt as I think of all the tasty variations and combination in flavors and toppings. After sampling a few, we decide on apple pie and vanilla with organic granola. Yum!

Her horse tried to get in on the action. Sneaky little guy.

I know that every day won't be like the motivating ones I've had. I'm sure that I will have a plethora of ones where I have to force myself to get through it. That's normal. But I hope that in the process I learn more about my strengths and weaknesses as a woman, a mother, and a human.  

Fall seven times, stand up eight.  ~Japanese Proverb

If I fall off this horse again, it's okay. The most important thing is that I continue to push myself and remain positive. I am so thankful that my family is so supportive about this new ambition of mine. It makes this phase of staying on the horse easy. Here's to week three and hopefully a couple extra miles!

Which horse have you fallen off lately?

Beauty

Yesterday was a rough day, mundane and clouded with a canopy of gray skies. I sought out beauty, wearing layers and layers of clothing, trying desperately to find my pre-pregnancy edge. Finding no joy or beauty in my appearance or the pair of singlely-digited sized jeans I was wearing, something I haven't been able to accomplish until just yesterday, little Lo and I set out to find beauty and interpretation of our own. 

I fully intended on making a day of it, a day spent falling in love with the River City, but I opted to bring the stroller, so the scavenger hunt for inspiration was short lived. We did, however, make some rather exciting discoveries. 

Discovery number one:
Spring is on it's way! You could feel it in the air. You could smell the subtle sweetness of beginning blooms on branches and if you stop and look close enough, you just might see Spring's presence.

 Discovery number two:
Lola loves flowers. And if you don't really care for them or have no interest at all, well dammit, she will make you love them too!

 She's a little charmer, huh?!?!

Discovery number three:
Lola is incredibly thoughtful. Sharing in her joy and interest, she scoped out a little bit of love to cheer up this mama.

Discovery number four:
When Lola doesn't want to be on the swings, she doesn't want to be on the swings!

 Discovery number five:
Sacramento's gray cloud cover was moving fast, revealing pockets of blue sky and sunshine. With each time the breeze passed, clouds spread allowing beams of hope to shine through.

 Discovery number six:
Sacramento is covered in these flowers. I don't know what they are, but they vary in color, from white, to red, to pink, to a speckled combination. I love them! The way they decorate their tree reminds me of Sofia Coppola's cake-and-candy take on Marie Antoinette.

 Discovery number seven:
I love the way the breeze blows Lo's hair around. I especially love how irritated she gets when it blows her hair into her face and the way she frantically brushes it away.

Discovery number eight:
 I belong to the amazing club of motherhood. That in itself is beautiful!

My good friend Sherry posted this on her blog a couple months back, and when I realized that I was a club member it came to mind. Enjoy!

 Happy Birthday to me!

Kind Words

On our way home from breakfast with the girls, a homeless man stopped Lola and me and said, "You two compliment each other so well". I smiled, thanking him for his kind words and went along my way- and then I really thought about his comment. Maybe I'm reading between the lines and maybe I'm drawing conclusions, but I couldn't help but feel, and still feel, so honored by his words. Forgive me for the plethora of love-drenched posts lately, but I really, really, really feel like everyday I am stepping closer and closer to who I am supposed to be-who I'm meant to be.

I feel like I am learning everyday. About patience. About kindness. About joyfulness. About understanding. About love. About all the wonderful threads that, when intertwined in just the right way, make this woman into that exceptional mother. I feel like the work being done in me is slow, but steady, small, yet significant. I feel like each day I'm being spoon-fed a trusty recipe for becoming a wonderful mother, rich in all the attributes needed to support and be the example my little chicken needs. And though I feel like many days I could use a double helping of patience, I make it to the end of the day with a double serving of love.

So I'll go ahead and take it into my own hands and make the assumption that he could really see what I really feel, everyday. I'll make the assumption that that man saw past the woman and child, hand in hand, stepping towards him. I'll make the assumption that that man saw ahead of him two pieces, both alike in greatness, fitting smoothly and perfectly like the pieces of a puzzle. I'll make the assumption that that man saw before him, beneath tree-lined streets and powder blue skies, two hearts, equally significant. I'll go ahead and make the assumption that that man saw the work being done by those two hearts- the molding, the refining, the purifying, how one strengthens the other. 

Maybe I'm wrong to assume what he meant. Maybe he's crazy. But I do know this. I know that what I feel now, that level of fulfillment, is greater than any other feeling I've ever experienced.

Is It True? Can It Be?

It is absolutely, 100%, true! We are officially the proud parents of an 18 month old, and loving every moment of it! Every day presents a new opportunity to fall in love with her little spirit a little more. My heart warms and melts for her every morning, even after the long nights, still snot filled and congested. She is beaming with light and joy...and energy, and makes every part of 'keeping us on our toes' worth it. Her facial expressions, ever changing, causing consistent gut-wrenching spouts of laughter. The way her silly little feet pick up her silly little legs to run as fast as she can, is still so charming. The way she rocks her Bieber flip in the front and her spirally curls in the back is freaking adorable! What a wonderful blessing she is and will continue to be! The sweetness of her little garbanzo face is so heartwarming- so innocent. The tiny sound of ongoing chitter-chatter with the occasional splash of 'dog', 'baby', or 'bubble', is so sweet. 

 I could not imagine my life without her, nor do I care where I would be! I am here, now, and I am happy, but above all else, I am fulfilled. 

My Fraulein Maria Moment

The past couple weeks have been pretty dark. Weeks that seemed never ending. Weeks I couldn't wait to be done with only as they had just begun. The days all combined, one after another, and whether it was exhaustion, the heat, or just the changing of the seasons, I do not know. All the while, my days continued, sunrise to sunset, and still no joy. And then one day, it happened. I don't know how "it" came to be, but there I was. And boy did I have it! 

I felt just like Julie Andrews in The Sound Of Music in that famous opening scene that pans to the hilltop, zooming in and displaying beauty, and contentment.  And then the voice. The voice that utters belief with those few words describing fully the way my heart is feeling now.  I had my Fraulein Maria moment.

And though I wish I were as elegantly classy as Julie Andrews, pulling off that super short bob, with the ability to belt those notes so effortlessly, after that long trek up that  hill as she clearly did, I have my own song to sing. My song lies in my heart and is sung everyday because I have Pieter and Lola. I have a wonderful support system, loving me unconditionally, always encouraging and reassuring that I will persevere. And I have.

The past couple days have been wonderful- truly wonderful. Lola brings me so much joy! She has so much personality and is one clever little cookie.

We have made a habit of going out to breakfast Saturday mornings, since Pieter has been working lately. We pack up all our "going-out-to-eat" essentials, Lola's new Little Suzie's Zoo Autumn themed books, and enjoy a shared breakfast outside at Pronto. I think Lola really enjoys outdoor seating and seems to be a little calmer than when we sit inside. We get our normal corner table, surrounded by big red umbrellas. They play a variety of jazz and Edith Piaf, which never gets old. Lola seems to enjoy their selection of tunes and does not hesitate to express herself with movement, shimmying and shaking in her high chair. And after the most delightful breakfast, we make the walk home and settle down for some snuggle time!

 

 

I need to keep in mind that whatever it is I am feeling, whatever the emotion, it is what I do with it that matters. I need to remember to keep trekking up that hill. There is a quote in the movie that reminded me of my difficult times this past week and the new perspective I should seek, should it happen again. And though it is somewhat out of context, it still speaks to me.

"You cry a little and then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does."-Fraulein Maria

And for all of you Sound Of Music lovers, some movie trivia, courtesy of IMBD.